Vigilant Heart
2001
It is of tragic consequence that you can only see what I reveal
For you have only begun to envision my existence
My actions and words are all that I can show you
These deliberate expressions dictate your perception of me
My true spirit remains buried deep within
Carefully protected from the world outside
Opening myself up creates an uncontrollable vulnerability
It’s a struggle to attach my feelings to words
Making it difficult to express them to you
My apprehensions have confined me to a safe desolation
Concealing my desires behind a veil of circumstance
Yet I can’t ignore the restlessness I feel in my heart
The impression you’ve left on me is unmistakable
Your alluring affection has become my aspiration
But it’s difficult for me to lower my defenses to you
Don’t mistake my vigilance for indifference
It’s never been my intention to push you away
Memories of misfortune have instilled a caution in me
Burdening me with indecision and restraint
It’s not enough for me to trust my own convictions
I need to know that I won’t be your engaging diversion
Caught in your masquerade just long enough for you to hurt me
I’m searching to find an assurance in your eyes
That the interest you show in me is genuine
I want to know that that it’s me you desire
Not some man whose fabric you can alter
Don’t use me to comfort your loneliness
Embrace my presence for all that it means to you
Let your faith create a safety in your arms for me
Where together we can foster what remains of our innocence
I hope that one day, we can experience this pinnacle of love
Where I can share with you, all that it is to be me
For the time being, I’ll keep trying to let you get closer to me
By inviting you into the parts of my soul I keep guarded
I’ll help you discover the emotions tumbling in my heart
Perhaps one day you’ll understand how much I care for you